How I Stopped Picking Up My Clingy Toddler (Without Ignoring Him) By Setting Boundaries

🤍The problem (aka: I couldn’t even make a cup of tea)

I love my toddler.

I love the cuddles.

I even love that I’m his favourite person.

What I don’t love… is being physically unable to stand in my kitchen without being asked to pick him up.

Constantly.

Every time I tried to cook, clean, or even just exist near a worktop, I had a small human attached to my leg demanding to be held.

And for a long time, I just… did it.

Because it was easier.

Because he’s cute.

Because sometimes you just want to get the dinner made without negotiating with a toddler.

But it got to a point where I realised something needed to change.

Not because he was doing anything wrong - but because I couldn’t carry on like that.

---

👀 The “Small Step” that didn’t feel very small

So I decided I had to set boundaries for my clingy toddler:

👉 I wasn’t going to pick him up every time he asked.

Which, if you’ve ever had a toddler like mine, feels like… quite a big step.

So I gave myself some grace going in.

This wasn’t about being perfect - just about trying something different.

---

🧠 What I thought would happen

Honestly?

I expected:

• tears

• meltdowns

• clinging

• full emotional breakdowns (his… and possibly mine)

  
  

And to be fair… there was a bit of that at the start.

But what surprised me most was how manageable it actually was when I changed how I responded.

---

🔧 What I actually did (this is the bit you’re here for)

Every time he came over asking to be picked up, I followed the same approach:

1. I always acknowledged him first

No ignoring. No delaying.

“Hi bubba…”

Just letting him know - I see you.

---

2. I got down to his level

Instead of lifting him up, I brought myself down.

---

3. If he climbed me… I didn’t fight it

(This is the bit that changed everything.)

If he started climbing up my legs (which he always does), I didn’t try to stop him.

I just sat on the floor and let him sit on my lap.

---

4. I gave him connection first

I’d sit with him, cuddle him, chat to him:

“Hi my angel, what’s going on?”

No rushing him. No trying to distract him away instantly.

Just being with him.

And once he’d had that moment?

He’d toddle off.

---

5. If he got upset, I stayed with him — but held the boundary

If he wasn’t happy about it, I’d still sit with him and reassure him:

“I’m here… I just can’t carry you right now. But we can have a cuddle here.”

So he wasn’t being rejected - just gently redirected.

---

6. I didn’t pick him up when he asked

This was the boundary.

I only picked him up when I chose to - not on demand.

Because if the boundary bends… it doesn’t work.

---

⚖️ The nuance (because this matters)

This doesn’t mean I never pick him up.

If he’s hurt himself, properly upset, or clearly needs comfort - I will pick him up without hesitation.

There’s a difference between a request and a real need.

And most of us, as mums, can feel that difference without even thinking about it.

This boundary isn’t about withholding comfort.

It’s about not defaulting to being picked up every time he asks.

---

✨ What actually made it work

Not some magic phrase.

Not a perfect technique.

Just this:

👉 Staying calm

👉 Being happy to see him

👉 Giving him connection without immediately picking him up

That was it.

---

😮 What surprised me most

How quickly he accepted it.

Once he realised:

• I wasn’t ignoring him

• I was still there

• he could still get comfort

• 
  

He stopped needing to be picked up so much.

And now?

I can actually cook.

I can clean.

With both hands.

Revolutionary.

---

💛 What was hard

Honestly?

Making the decision to do it.

That was the hardest part.

The actual doing of it felt… surprisingly natural.

---

🌱 The takeaway (aka: Small Steps actually work)

This wasn’t about shutting him down.

It wasn’t about ignoring his needs.

It was about meeting them in a slightly different way.

Less “pick me up immediately”

More “I’m here, let’s connect, but I’m holding this boundary”

And that small shift made a big difference.

---

🤍 If you’re in the thick of it

If you’ve got a toddler who won’t let you put them down…

You’re not doing anything wrong.

They’re not “too clingy”.

But if it’s starting to feel like too much for you - it’s okay to try something different.

Start small.

Stay consistent.

Give yourself some grace.

✨ P.S.

If you want to see how this played out in real time, I’ve shared the full process over on Instagram