Mum Rage: The Violated Expectation of Support

😡 Mum Rage

There is already enough guilt and shame wrapped up in trying to be a good mother. The last thing we need is that guilt stopping us from talking about something a huge number of mothers are dealing with — often alone, and often in silence.

Mum rage isn’t a failure of love. It isn’t a personality flaw. And it isn’t something only “bad” mums experience. It’s a signal. And for many of us, it’s been flashing red for a long time.

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🧠 The quote that stopped me in my tracks

“The violated expectation of support.”— Dr Caroline Boyd

When I heard this, something clicked.

So much of my anger hasn’t come from my child. It’s come from the gap between what I expected support to look like — and what it actually was.

Support that I assumed would be instinctive. Support I didn’t think I’d have to explain. Support I couldn't find the words to ask for until it was too late.

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💔 My lowest moment

One of the things that made my mum rage worse was not talking about it — not naming it, not explaining it, not letting the people around me know how close to the edge I was.

The first time I really lost it with my child, I shouted, “What! What do you want?”

My boy’s dad appeared almost instantly, picked him up, and walked out of the room.

Nothing was said to me.

I was left standing there alone, flooded with shame. No check‑in. No reassurance. No conversation later.

I can honestly say it was one of the lowest points of my life — not just of motherhood, but of me.

What hurt most wasn’t that I’d shouted. It was that I felt silently judged, then abandoned with the fallout.

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🧩 Why silence makes it worse

When we don’t talk about mum rage:

• It grows in the dark

• We assume we’re the only ones feeling it

• We internalise it as personal failure

  
  

And when our partners or support networks don’t understand what’s happening, their reactions — even well‑intended ones — can deepen the shame.

Removing a child without addressing the mother doesn’t soothe the situation. It isolates her.

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🤝 This isn’t just a mums-only conversation

Yes, it’s vital that we talk to each other as mothers. That solidarity matters.

But it’s just as important that our partners, families, and wider support networks understand maternal rage too.

Not as an excuse — but as context.

Mum rage needs to become common knowledge:

• That it’s often rooted in exhaustion and unmet support

• That it can coexist with deep love

• That responding with curiosity works better than silence

  
  

Support shouldn’t start after a breaking point.

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🎧 Resources that helped me

Listening to other women and professionals talk about this helped me feel less broken — and more human.

Motherkind PodcastWe’re in an unspoken crisis of ‘mum rage’, why you’re not alone and it’s not your fault — Minna Dubin

Happy Mum, Happy Baby PodcastWhy am I so angry? Parenting SOS — Dr Caroline Boyd

If this topic is hitting a nerve for you, I really recommend starting there.

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🌱 A final thought

Mum rage doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

It often means something is missing around you.

And the more we talk about it — honestly, imperfectly, out loud — the less power shame gets to have.