Expectation vs Reality: My First 12 Months of Motherhood (From a 40-Year-Old First-Time Mum Who Thought She Was Ready)

I went into motherhood with a whole Pinterest board in my head: I’d be jogging with the baby and the dog every morning, meal-prepping organic vegetables into adorable little portions, eating calm family dinners where the food stayed on the table, and raising a screen-free, sugar-free, meltdown-free angel because—obviously—I’d be consistent, present, and emotionally regulated at all times.

What an absolute wally.

My reality? Fitness now means sprinting after a naked toddler who refuses his nappy. Meals are cold toast and whatever he didn’t finish. Family dinners are me eating standing up while he throws peas at the dog. And as for my “parenting philosophies”? When the plague hit, Teletubbies, Bing, and Ms Rachel were instantly promoted to co-parent status.

I don’t get me wrong — I like any other British person, I love a moan — but the last 12 months have been the most life-affirming of my entire existence. My partner feels the same. We both wish we could have had kids sooner… but life wasn’t set up that way for us.

So here it is. My first year of motherhood — expectation, reality, and what’s actually helping me survive (with my sense of humour mostly intact).

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💪 Fitness & Wellness

Expectation: Jogging with the pram at sunrise, glowing like a woman who has discovered inner peace and Pilates.

Reality: The year before I got pregnant, I ran my first ultra-marathon. This year I attempted Couch to 5K and became a broken woman. I turned 40 and feel 60. I have aches in places I didn’t know existed. Some hurt all day. Some only hurt when I sneeze.

What’s getting me through: Carrying a toddler is a gym membership I didn’t sign up for. Chasing him is cardio. Picking up toys while squatting is strength training. And apparently… all of this counts.

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🥦 Food & Nutrition

Expectation: Homemade purées, balanced meals, and wholesome family dinners.

Reality: Cold toast. Baby leftovers. Eating standing up. He eats beautifully at nursery and at home he survives purely on vibes and fruit pouches.

What’s working: Batch-cooking small portions and accepting snacks as a food group.

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👨‍👩‍👦 Family Time & Traditions

Expectation: Sunday walks and magical little family rituals.

Reality: We do have traditions… they’re just chaotic.

The biggest game-changer?

Starting every day with silly songs.

Old MacDonald during nappy changes.

The Hokey Cokey while getting dressed. A dramatic toddler-toss with a big “Ooooooooh the hokey cokey!”

Even on exhausted mornings, his smile snaps me out of the haze.

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🧠 Parenting Philosophy

Expectation: Calm, screen-free, Montessori-style parenting.

Reality: 

Screens are tools.

Screens are breaks.

Screens are survival.

Actual philosophy: If it works for us, it works. If it keeps him happy and keeps me sane, it counts.

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🏡 Housework & Home Life

Expectation: A tidy home and organised cupboards.

Reality: The laundry pile now has its own personality, and the house is only tidy when my mum has visited.

What helps: Facebook Marketplace — we bought almost everything second-hand and saved a fortune. Baby bundles were elite.

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💆‍♀️Self-Care & Me-Time

Expectation: Bubble baths, meditation, and regular “me time.”

Reality: A shower with no one crying feels like therapy. A hot tea should earn me a medal.

My lifeline: Leaning on the people around me — especially my mum, who sometimes takes him for walks so I can breathe.

And on the rare days I have seven functioning brain cells, nothing soothes my soul like a quick nap-time DIY where I glue something to something else and pretend it counts as self-care.

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💞 Relationship & Social Life

Expectation: Date nights, social outings, feeling human.

Reality: We tag-team survival, communicate in grunts, and bond over which Ms Rachel clip we hate the most.

We’re still figuring out how to be “us” again — and that’s okay.

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🧺 Mental Load & Identity

Becoming a mum at 40 hits differently.

You know who you are… until suddenly you don’t.

But this truth keeps me sane:

It all changes.

The hard phases end.

New ones begin.

Nothing stays the same for long.

Try not to dwell on what you can’t do today — because tomorrow will bring a new list of “can’ts” and “cans.”

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🎓 What I’ve Learned In My First Year of Motherhood

• Kids are a young person’s game, but older mums bring grit and self-awareness.

• Toddlers vibe off your mood — which is why we’ve cried on the floor together more than once.

• Singing silly songs genuinely resets both of us.

• Nothing is constant; everything shifts.

• Lowering your standards is not failure — it’s survival.

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🛠️ What Actually Helps (The Survival Toolkit)

Podcasts

You need to hear from people living the same messy reality.

My favourite: Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe — hilarious, grounding, comforting.

Books

Motherkind by Zoë Blaskey — reassuring, practical, and genuinely healing.

Facebook Marketplace

The MVP of affordable baby gear.

The Village

My mum, my partner, anyone who holds the baby for 10 minutes. They save me.

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💌 A Note to Other Mums

If you’re in the thick of it — the sleepless nights, the messy house, the doubts — it won’t always feel like this.

Some days break you.

Some days build you.

Most are both.

But your baby doesn’t need the mum you imagined — they need you.

And you’re doing better than you think.